When I grow up?

What do you want to be when you grow up? I love asking my sons this question. Every time you ask them you never really know what you are going to get. I actually had this conversation with Matthew and Riley this afternoon. Matthew initiated the conversation by asking Riley "what do you want to be when you grow up?" Riley responded, "a scientist!". I then asked Matthew the same question and he replied "a police officer, or a shark doctor!" However, when I went to relay this cute story to Matt this evening, Riley was very quick to tell us all that he had changed his mind. I love that every day they have new ideas of what they want to be or what they are interested in. However, it really got me thinking about this topic. Why does asking what someone wants to be automatically correspond with what profession, job, money making activity, they will pursue as an adult? Not that it's bad to think of those things, in fact it's good, it's great to have an idea of a career that will make you happy.

Still, I can't help but feel like while encouraging those things, wouldn't it also be a good idea to remind our kids (and ourselves) that what you do/your job isn't necessarily who you ARE. I guess I should say it isn't all of who you are, it's just a part of it. Who you are isn't just what job you have, it's who you are on the INSIDE. I think back to when I was my sons ages and when I was a kid my dad was my hero, not because he was in the Navy (which is very hero worthy) but because he's my dad. My mom was my hero, not for working at my school (which was pretty cool as well) but because she's my mom. I think my kids feel the same way.

I've found myself saying.."Well, I guess I just don't know what I want to be 'when I grow up'," when people (even strangers) have asked "well, so what are you going to be??" I guess I've discovered something, I already am what I want to "be" and I guess that doesn't fit in any type of box or label. I'm not an attorney, a nurse, a teacher, a real estate agent..etc. I don't currently have a job title but that's not what makes me who I am. What makes me who I am is what's always been inside of me. I live a lot of my life inside of my own head, in other words, I think A LOT. I'm constantly thinking of how can I do this, how can I accomplish that, oh this would be a great idea, what time does Matthew need to be here, oh Riley wanted that shirt washed, hmm..what would Matt want for dinner. I guess if I had to answer the question of "So, what did you end up being when you grew up?" I would have to answer, I'm a mother who loves my kids more than anything, a mother who finally found her purpose in life through her children. I'm a wife that loves her husband and would do absolutely anything for him. I love to create. Writing, painting, photography...give me something ordinary and I'll find the beauty in it. Finally, I'm me..I'm a worry wart, I'm overly sensitive, I don't let many people close to me, I love to laugh and make others laugh, I can be goofy and silly and intensely serious. Whatever job I end up having in my life when my kids are both a bit older, whether it's living my dream of doing what I love or working in the cafeteria at my kid's school so I can be home when they are home, I will bring all of those things to anything I do.

I used to be ashamed when people would talk about their jobs, careers, and "what they want to be when they grow up," I felt like I was lost and floating out there with no direction. It wasn't until today that I realized I'm not floating and lost, I'm found here in my family. Matt and the boys have given me something that I don't know how I can ever thank them, they gave me such support and love to know that I'll never be lost because I have them to anchor me and catch me if I ever fall.

So, I hope that my sons know that whatever they decide to do with their lives as far as jobs go I hope they find something that will make them happy and something that will help them be productive and satisfied, but also that what's inside is such an important part of what they are going to "be" when they grow up...and what they are inside is beautiful and to me they are incredible and my inspiration.