To have and to hold

In March of 1999 I was 15 years old and a sophomore in high school.  One day I was taking a note to the Nurse's office with a classmate during class.  The hallways were empty as classes were in session.  Then, around the corner came this guy.  Not just any guy-THE guy.  The guy that would change my life.

In June of 2002 I had just turned 19 years old the month before and was a bride on my wedding day.  Three years after I met that guy walking down the hallway, there I was walking down the aisle to become his wife.

 It is now December of 2014 and I am 31 years old and a stay at home mom.  I am also very happily married to that boy I met so many years ago.

Through all of these years we have gone through all the same things any married couple goes through-there are ups and downs, trials, triumphs, and I'm sure I probably annoy him more times than I'd like to admit some times!  At the end of the day, we're a family.  Matt and I often have conversations about our relationship.  I really think that this is a good thing for anyone in a relationship to do.  Before you roll your eyes-it's really not a "hey, let's sit and talk about us" type of thing..it's just something that happens and it's not all of the time but often enough that we are able to check in with each other and see how we are doing.  Often these talks happen on spring and summer nights when we are sitting outside together, or when a big life event happens, be it good or bad-like going through medical issues or a birthday or celebration for our kids. We reminisce about how far we have come as a couple and as a family.  We talk about times where we could have made better decisions or behaved better.  We talk about those moments with our kids that may seem like every day little things but are really the most important.  I believe that it is through these spontaneous talks that we grow so much and we grow together.  I tell him all the time that we are so fortunate.  

When Matt and I got married we were so young. I had an idea in my head of how I wanted things to be and how I hoped things would be.  For the first six years of our marriage we went through discovering what kind of marriage we wanted, what kind of life we wanted, and what kind of parents we wanted to be.  We also went through all the growing pains and joys that accompany all of that.  We grew up.  For those six years of marriage and the three years of dating before that, I had been the one to take care of Matt with his Epilepsy.  I will never forget the first time he had a seizure in front of me.  He had not told me that he was living with Epilepsy and we were very newly dating.  When it happened his mother explained to me what was going on.  I was young and I will admit that I was afraid because I didn't know what it was.  I wasn't afraid of him, I was just afraid for him because I didn't want anything bad to ever happen to him or for him to ever be hurt.  When we spoke after he recovered the first thing he asked me was if I was going to break up with him now.  My answer was an emphatic "NO." I would never do that and it made me sad that somewhere along the line something must have happened in his life to make him worry that this could even be a possibility. I didn't understand then how or why he would think that, and it wouldn't be until many years later that I finally would.  I only wish he had told me first just so I would have been prepared if we had happened to be alone or out somewhere but thankfully his mom was there when it happened. I understand why he didn't tell me though, and I know he would have told me when he was ready if it hadn't have happened in front of me first. While we were dating his Epilepsy caused him to break his nose, his elbow, bite his tongue, and a million other injuries along the way. Since being married even more things have happened to him. He isn't able to drive and many times people aren't aware of the affects Epilepsy can have on your memory, not to mention how it affects sleeping habits and the amount of medication that has to be taken. If I could have taken it away from him I would have done it in a heartbeat-I still would.  Through all of this, what Matt living with Epilepsy has shown me is just how strong he is.  He inspires me every single day.  The point that I am making with all of this is that when we got married I knew Matt lived with Epilepsy and I also knew that I wanted to spend the rest of my life as his shoulder to lean on, his sounding board, his care taker when in need, his advocate, his best friend-I wanted to love him-all of him-with my whole heart for my whole life.  I knew that he would take care of me as well, I never doubted that, but I had no idea just how much he would have to take care of me...

 Though I had been experiencing symptoms for a couple years prior, in the summer of 2008 I was officially diagnosed with Hidradenitis Supperativa, a painful skin condition that currently has little research and no cure.  To learn more about HS, you can read my posts on the condition by clicking these links: Part One , Part Two    and Poem.  When my symptoms started they were mild and I avoided going to the doctor right away.  When I did finally go, my doctor told me it was "no big deal".  It wasn't until I developed a huge lump that was so painful I ended up in the Emergency Room and had to go home with a tube in my arm, that I switched to a new doctor in the office (purely by chance-my regular doctor was not in the office that day) and I was officially diagnosed.  Matt had actually been researching my symptoms and thought that I might have HS and printed out the information for me to take to my doctor that day, I had the papers in my hand ready to give to the doctor when he diagnosed me.  While it was great to finally have a doctor that knew what was going on, it was a sad day as well because that meant everything I had read about the disease was now not just some rare disease from the internet that I was scared that I might have-it was something that I truly had.  Let me just say that when you find out you have a disease and you start researching it-reading over and over again "no known cure" isn't exactly the most comforting thing.  As these last 6 years have gone by my HS has gotten worse.  It seems the more time progresses, the more the HS progresses.  Now I am affected in 10 parts of my body with tunneling, open wounds that never heal, and scars..more than I could even count.  When I received my official diagnosis I finally understood that conversation Matt and I had so many years ago when he asked me if I was going to break up with him after I saw him have a seizure for the first time.  I understood because I felt the same way.  I was convinced that he wouldn't want to deal with this often times disgusting disease.  I felt damaged.  As the years and disease have progressed I still have those thoughts.  How could he love me, why would he even want to, he didn't sign up for this, I'm broken.  Yet-despite all these destructive thoughts in my own mind, Matt has never once, not ever, made me feel anything less than beautiful.  He has bandaged my wounds more times than I could count, he has stayed by my side when I am in so much pain that all I can do is cry.  He has become just what I thought I would be for him, my shoulder to lean on, my sounding board, my care taker when in need, my advocate, my best friend-he loves me-all of me-with his whole heart for his whole life.  Interestingly enough, both of our awareness colors are purple-which just happens to be my favorite color (dare I say more of an obsession).  Years ago, I became an Ambassador of Purple to spread awareness and understanding for Epilepsy.  While there is not currently an organization like that for HS (maybe I should start one)-I consider Matt an Ambassador of Purple as well-for me.  He has researched, talked to my doctors, joined communities-he's done everything he can think of to make my life with HS better.

When Matt and I said our vows on our wedding day part of those vows were, "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health" I had no idea then just how significant that was going to be for us.  I knew that I would always take care of him, love him, have him and hold him, no matter what-I guess I just never gave much thought to anything ever happening to me.  I definitely didn't even know that HS existed and couldn't have imagined that I would end up with a disease that is so painful, scaring, disfiguring, and often times embarrassing.  I think most people in relationships remember how at the beginning of the relationship you do your best to look your best and generally not embarrass yourself as much as possible.  It seems so funny to me now to think back to that time in my relationship with Matt.  It makes me laugh that there used to be a time that I never would have shown up to see him with no make up on..the thought of ever doing any type of embarrassing bodily function in front of him would have probably made me faint. It's comical now considering everything we've been through and everything we've both seen.  I guess the moral of that little story is that he loved me when I was putting my best foot forward in the beginning, and he loves me still and probably loves me even more now even when I'm being completely annoying or when he helps with my HS which can be, let's just say, less than flattering.  

Often times in life the things that are the hardest teach us the most.  Due to everything we've been through Matt and I learned at a young age that time is precious.  We didn't have to wait until we were old to look back at our lives as husband and wife and Mom and Dad and think "I wish I would have valued my partner and kids more." We will never have to say that because we learned early on how precious time is, how precious life is, how precious moments are.  Though I have many favorite memories of our family, one that sticks out in my mind, and one that I think of often is our 10 year wedding anniversary.  We didn't have a big fancy wedding and we don't have the money now to go on a honeymoon or have an anniversary party..and that's ok.  How did we spend our 10 year wedding anniversary? We spent it at our oldest son's baseball game and I wouldn't have had it any other way.  The best part of that day was that for weeks I had planned to take the family back to the place that Matt and I were married after our son's baseball game that day.  I wanted to take our kids there and show them that no matter what-we're a team-we're a family-always.  I didn't tell anyone that I was planning to do that, I wanted to surprise my husband.  So, after the game I started to drive in the opposite direction of home.  We got to the place where we got married and we got out of the car and walked to a gazebo that they had recently built on the property.  That is when my husband pulled out a piece of paper and gave it to our son.  Our son began to read a vow renewal ceremony.  In those weeks that I had been planning to take us to that spot on our anniversary my husband had been planning and even practiced with our oldest son a vow renewal ceremony and kept it a secret!  It makes me cry now even recalling that day.  We stood there in front of our two sons, with our oldest son officiating the ceremony.  We renewed the vows we had made 10 years ago and then embraced our sons and made vows to them that we would always be a family.  My son Matthew took this picture of us afterwards:

I also believe that because of all these things we've been through together, we are better parents.  Matt has never let his Epilepsy keep him from being the best dad to his sons.  He is not able to drive because of his Epilepsy but he has always found a way to make it to their games or events.  Matt could easily say that it's just too hard to find a ride or to do this or do that..but he doesn't..he has walked miles and miles when he had to(well, he didn't HAVE to, he could have just not gone-but he WANTED to)just to see them play.

It is Matt's determination that has given me the strength to do the same.  My HS will never keep me from enjoying my kids, cheering them on, supporting them. I have attended their games with my arm in a sling, I have walked with tears streaming down my face to get to my seat at their baseball games, I have sat through unimaginable pain to watch their plays at school or to see them in a spelling bee or giving a speech.  You can't get those moments back and nothing is worth missing them..nothing.

I have a few reasons that I wanted to write this post.  I have recently had a lot of time to think about well-everything.  I have had a lot of time and opportunity to observe, think, examine, and process things.  Often times a lot of things that go along with diseases or conditions get ignored because you can't see them.  You are able to see the seizure but when the person is not actively having a seizure that doesn't mean they aren't dealing with quite a bit of physical and psychological effects of Epilepsy. The same is said for HS, a lot of times people who live with HS cover their affected areas.  I have 10 areas that are affected so covering them up isn't always an option.  Many people living with HS have inspired me to work more towards being brave and not feeling like I have to always cover my HS-like in the summer when I really want to wear a tank top.  So, while some times you may see the HS with your eyes, a lot of the time unless you are the trusted friend, lover, or caregiver of a person with HS-you could look at someone and never know the physical as well as psychological things they go through.  There is stress, depression, anger, fear, and many more.  If you add the physical and psychological symptoms of HS, for me that manifests in many ways and one of those ways is lack of sleep. So, while I am no stranger to sleepless nights, it hasn't been the HS causing it lately.  In October I decided to help my husband and let him relax while I cut the grass.  He already does so much for me and if I can do something to help him then I am going to do it.  He told me not to, but I didn't listen.  Not only didn't I listen but when I got out there and had trouble with the mower I didn't stop what I was doing and go ask him for help..nope, not me-I just kept on keeping on out in the yard. He does so much for me and I didn't want to ask for help, I wanted him to relax and not worry about me. When it got too dark for me to continue I finally came inside.  I knew my arm was sore but I figured it was just from working so hard.  The next day my arm was even more sore but it just felt like minor muscle pain.  It wasn't until a week later that I slipped and fell landing on that same arm that this nightmare began.  I don't know if it was the week that had passed or the fall that ignited the pain but the next day it began.  I have been in extreme pain from that day on.  It is now December and I haven't slept in my bed since October.  It is too painful.  I have been to the doctor and it's not getting better which means more doctors, which means more money spent on me..which I hate. During all of this time I have of course had my ever present HS to deal with and then on top of everything else I developed some internal issues that landed me in the Emergency Room last week.  Though I have been very open and forthcoming in this blog, and not just this post but my other posts as well, I prefer not to go into detail.  I will, however, say that it was bad.  It was so bad that the night before I went to the ER I was crying to Matt, "I'm dying, I'm dying!"  Of course, I wasn't actually dying but in those moments it was scary, it was awful, and if you've ever felt like that then you know-it really makes you think.  It puts things into such perspective. During this whole ordeal all modesty went out the window-I didn't care about being embarrassed anymore..I needed my husband and he was there for me.  He was there for me in such a way that I can only say that it made me love him even more and I didn't think it was possible to love him more than I already did.  

During this time and in this past week of recovering (and still not sleeping) I have been given a lot of time to think.  A lot of what I have been thinking about is all of the things I have written here.  I've also thought that despite all of the triumphs and good things I have written about here I still waste and have wasted so much time.  I live inside my own mind far too much.  My heart hurts far too much.  I hurt over friendships lost, stupid things that I have said and done, mistakes that I have made that I wish I could take back.  The worst part is that I do it to myself.  Given all this time to think, I have tried to figure out why I do that.  What I have discovered is that I think some times even if it hurts-the hurt is familiar.  I have lived with these same hurts for so long that it's in a way more comfortable to let my mind wander into those minefields than to risk allowing myself to fear or hurt over the real scariness of HS that I honestly don't deal with.  It's more comfortable to wander in that familiar space than to face myself and realize that we all make stupid mistakes, we all do things we regret..but regret doesn't need to eat up your life.  It's the fear of the unknown vs the fear of the known...the known fear, the known hurt is comfortable and safe.  I think, what if in those moments that I was screaming, "I'm dying, I'm dying!"...what if I really was? I don't want to live in that place anymore.  This is my first step out of the minefield.  Like I have said in this entry, I don't let HS keep me from enjoying my life-and I do enjoy my life..but I know I can enjoy it so much more.  This is one of the many facets of living with a chronic illness, your mind is just as much of a warrior of survival as it is a trap to fall into.  I think more awareness needs to be brought to the psychological side of chronic illnesses.  More understanding, more compassion.  I need to embrace that warrior side.  

So, I guess what it comes down to is life is short.  Words cannot express the love, gratitude, and admiration I have for my husband or the unconditional love I have for my children.  So, to all of you out there that also walk the minefields of the mind, to those of you who live with a chronic illness, to those of you who love someone with a chronic illness-you're not alone.  I am not alone.  We all go through things, we all have struggles, we all have pain.  Everyone you meet has something in their life that they have to fight for or fight through-be compassionate, be kind.  I can't please everyone and at some point I am probably going to let people down at one time or another.  I am thankful to each and every one of you that has stood by my side anyway.  I am thankful for that day when that guy walked around the corner.  I am thankful for everything he is, everything he has given me, everything he has taught me.  I am thankful for my sons who are such incredible and beautiful souls.  Life is about give and take and while I know that I some times need to take, I some times need to ask for help..I hope when it comes down to it, I give back more than I take.

I have Hidradenitis Suppurativa

June 10-16 was Hidradenitis Suppurativa Awareness week in the UK.  There is no official awareness week for HS in the United States but many people who suffer with HS often use this week to spread awareness here in the United States as well as come out as a survivor to friends, family, and people in their community.  I wasn't ready to talk about it then, and maybe I'm still not exactly ready to talk about it now, but I think it might help me to talk about it.  

Hidradenitis Suppurativa (referred to from here on as HS) is defined as "a skin disease that most commonly affects areas bearing apocrine sweat glands or sebaceous glands, such as the underarms, under the breasts, inner thighs, groin and buttocks.^[1]

The non-contagious disease manifests as clusters of chronic abscesses, epidermoid cysts, sebaceous cysts, pilonidal cyst or multilocalised infections, which can be as large as baseballs or as small as a pea. Hidradenitis Suppurativa pain and depression can be difficult to manage.^[3]" (credit wikipedia) 

There can be many complications with HS that can be pretty frightening when you read about them.  One of my fears is the infection entering my bloodstream.  Some other complications (aside from the pea to baseball sized lumps) include open wounds that do not heal, tunneling under the skin, scars, etc.  

HS is considered a rare disease and because of that not much research into the disease has been done.  It is said to affect between 1-4% of the population (credit HS Institute).  

People who suffer from HS often experience and battle with depression, debilitating pain, social isolation, limited mobility, and anxiety.  

There is no cure for HS and the cause is unknown.  Though some people do go through periods of remission often times HS tends to get worse over time.  HS uses the   Hurley Grading System to differentiate between the 3 stages of HS.  (credit HS Institute)

Now that you know a little about HS, I'd like to tell you how it affects me.  Currently I am in late stage 2/early stage 3.  I don't know how things will develop as time goes on and am scared because of the things I have read saying that for a lot of people HS gets more severe over time.  Mine has progressed for sure.  I went without a diagnosis until by chance I changed doctors.  My regular doctor was off that day and I had to see the other doctor in the office.  That doctor lanced my arm and put a tube inside.  That day I decided to change to this doctor because he was a lot more understanding than my previous one.  It wasn't until my follow up appointment that he diagnosed me with HS.  It was good to have a name to what I had been suffering with but scary as I immediately went to google and read things I don't think I was ready to read.  

With HS being so unknown to many people, suffering with HS often makes me feel very isolated, misunderstood, lonely, anxious, and ashamed.  I am fortunate that as of right now my HS is mainly invisible to most people as I am able to cover it with clothing.  I hurt for those who have HS all over their bodies in places that you can't hide, I don't know if I will ever have that (and all I can do is hope) but I hurt for those that are dealing with that right now.  Of course people may think it strange that I wear a "top shirt" (as my son Riley says) over tank tops or dresses-it has been my way to cover myself.  Infact, I wore a tank top out in public for the first time in I don't know how long just this past weekend.  I was self conscious the entire time but I did it to try and ease myself into it as we weren't near home so no one knew me where we were.  I am in some kind of pain 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  That pain can range from irritating to pain so severe that I can't move my arms or legs without extreme pain-and some times not at all.  I live with this every day of my life and I fight through it every day of my life.  

I am a mother to two wonderful boys and a wife to my best friend in the world.  I do NOT let my HS get in the way of doing things with my children, having fun with them, going places with them.  I am very involved in their school and sports.  Though it gets hard at times I am so thankful to have such a wonderful husband that has helped me with my HS so much.  I can't even begin to write how much I love him for all he has done.  I know it can't be easy to live as a spouse to someone with HS.  He often hears me cry in pain, say "don't touch me here", or "I can't bend over right now-can you pick that up?" "I can't lift my arm-can you reach that?" He has cleaned my wounds, bandaged me up, held hot washcloths for me, carried things when I couldn't, reached things when I couldn't, taken breaks with me when it hurts to walk.  Not only that but he has never ONCE made me feel anything less than the most beautiful woman he has ever seen, even with my open wounds, bumps, and scars.  Not to mention that he does all of this while living with Epilepsy.  I think in a way that his Epilepsy and my HS has brought us closer together because we've had to care for each other in a way that is very personal.  My kids know about my HS and have been so great about it.  I don't know how I got so fortunate to have this family.  

What I wish that people would understand about my HS is that it is not contagious, it is not caused by bad hygiene, it hurts every day. To expand from a graphic someone made in one of my support communities:  I wish that people would understand that when I say I am tired, or I need a break, or I need to rest it is NOT because I am lazy.  When I am sad, or stressed, or full of anxiety it is NOT because I feel sorry for myself.  When I don't come to your party or want to hang out it is NOT because I don't like you.  All of these things are because I have a disease called HS and it rules my body-and while it may rule my body I do NOT let it rule my heart or my life because I may have HS but HS doesn't have me.

summer, baseball, school, and fall-oh my!

I can't believe I haven't updated since July! 

We had a really great summer full of baseball and fishing!  Matthew and Riley both entered a youth fishing derby and had a blast.  Here is the trout Riley caught:

Matthew caught quite a few big fish that day, here he is with one of his catches of the day: a nice catfish!

One of the most fun things we did was go camping for the first time!!  With as outdoorsy as we are as a family I can't believe it's taken us this long to go camping.  It's definitely going to become a regular thing.  Matthew and Riley had such a great time and even this reformed indoor girl has to say-it was fun!  We went to Audra State Park in West Virginia. 

The park was absolutely beautiful.  I really can't wait to go back.  The boys had a great time swimming and climbing and just being boys!

We also spent a lot of time at Kennywood this summer.  Some of my favorite memories with our family are from Kennywood.  The sweetest thing that happened at Kennywood this summer was that I got to see just how protective Matthew is of Riley.  He would put his arm around him and hold him tight.  So sweet for a mother to see her sons love eachother like that.

One of the most exciting things that we did this summer was go to our first concert as a family! We went to see Big Time Rush!! It was such a good show! I remember how I felt when I got to see my favorite band in person and it was great to see their eyes light up when they saw their favorite band right infront of them!

This was Riley's face when the band first came out on stage!

Matthew and Daddy enjoying the show!

So, as you can see we had a very busy but very AWESOME summer! We made memories that I know we will always remember.

Now it's finally my favorite season-FALL!!! Fall means pumpkins, hayrides, Halloween, and Fall Ball! 

Both of the boys have started their Fall Ball seasons and they are doing great!  Matt is helping coach Riley's team and it has been great seeing him enjoy it so much.  I know that Riley really likes having Daddy coach just as much as Matt really likes doing it!

Matthew has had a great season so far! He's even recieved the game ball in two games so far! He was and is SO happy!  Here he is after getting the game ball last week

School is in full swing and infact, we just had Riley's open house tonight! Matthew's is coming up later on this week.  Here they are on the first day of school.  My 1st and 4th graders!

Tonight we got to go to Riley's open house.  I look forward to Open House every year.  I love going to see their classrooms and meeting their teachers.  This year the school is having two open houses-one for the lower grades and one for the higher grades.  So you know what that means?! TWO open houses for me! Woo hoo!  Here's my 3 favorite people waiting to go into open house tonight

Here's my first grader!!!!

Well, this has turned into a pretty big update! I really need to keep up on this better.  Hope you're all still out there ready-I promise to check in more often!  In closing-here's to a Fall that is filled with as much fun and as many memories as this summer!

 

It's Basketball Time Again!

It's that time of year again-time for basketball!!! I'm so excited for this season! Matthew has had 2 games so far and his team won both games! The first game I think Matthew was still getting back into the swing of things and remembering everything he learned from last year and this year's practices. The second game he was right there in it, taking the ball down the court, passing, rebounding. It was great to see him have so much FUN. That is what I love best about watching the boys play sports, when you watch them you can just tell they are having a blast. With the activities the boys do I often see other kids who look bored or just plain miserable. I feel awful when I see that, I wish they were having fun too! When you look at my boys they are smiling and jumping (and even dancing-MATTHEW! haha). I love it!

Here's a picture of Matthew from his game the other day..go Matthew! He's the one dribbling the ball.

Another School Year Has Begun!

We had such a wonderful summer full of lazy days, busy days, and fun days. I was sad for it to come to an end but excited to start the school year again. It's been almost a full month of school already, I can't believe it! My boys started school at the end of August and this year Matthew is in 3rd grade and Riley is in kindergarten. So many great things come with back to school time. It may be extremely nerdy but I absolutely love getting together the school supplies and making lists and checking things off when they are completed. My husband has given me many things in the 12 years I've known him and of course the two greatest of those things are my sons, followed closely by a love of organizing and lists haha. So, ok maybe I don't love organizing and lists quite that much, but you get the idea. When the new school year starts of course that also brings with it my most favorite time of year, Fall (pumpkin patch here I come!!!), as well as Cub Scouts, fundraisers, Thursday packets, open house, picture day...so many great things!

The first day of school was such a big day for both of my boys. Riley was so excited to finally be going to the same school as his big brother. He has spent years talking about riding the bus with Matthew and Matthew walking him to his class and the time had finally come! Our school district now does full day kindergarten so both of my kids were off to a full day at school. They were both so happy the first day of school. They were excited to see their old friends again and especially to ride the bus together. I gave them each a huge hug and kiss and they were off, my two school boys, the first time together on the bus...



So far they are both really enjoying school. Each day when they get off the bus I ask them "So, what was the best thing about kindergarten/3rd grade today?" and I'm always excited to hear what they have to say. I was really anticipating open house, one of my favorite days of the school year. I love seeing their classrooms and having them show us around. This year was no exception! It was the first time we had two classrooms to visit! Matthew's class was first. Sitting in his chair was a "future me" he had made. It was so sweet that he made his future self have facial hair just like daddy's.




Then it was time to visit Riley's classroom. He had such fun showing us around. He made a self portrait as well and was so proud to stand next to it.




So, all in all it has been a great start to the new school year. I'm so proud of my boys and I hope they always keep their love of learning and their joy at sharing these things with me. I love them so very much. It's going to be a great school year!

thoughts

I love black and white photography and I love my family, so I decided to write a poem about them both. Here it is

I see in a filter of black and white
Like some long forgotten movie or a dark starry night
The most ordinary things are beautiful here
And the light that shines through the dark makes even little things clear
It captures the things so often unseen
Like that indescribable moment just as you wake from a dream

Words alone could never show these treasures most might never see
Like the veins in an Autumn leaf
Or the majesty of a worn out key
Like the wrinkles I love at the corner of your eyes
Or the joy of our sons successes after so many tries

Looking through something so small has given me a bigger view
Though I could search all the world and I would still come back to you
My husband and sons, my favorite subjects indeed
For you three boys are all this heart is ever going to need

Father's Day!

This sunday, June 19th is Father's Day. It's time to celebrate Dad! I feel very fortunate that my sons have such a wonderful daddy. From the moment we knew I was pregnant with our first son, Matt had a connection with Matthew. He would talk to my belly and Matthew would kick like crazy when he heard daddy's voice. Now, here we are with 2 sons that just adore him.





Matt is a great dad for all the things he does from the little things to the big things. He is their biggest fan when it comes to sports, from helping out their teams to practicing with them in the yard. He is proud of their accomplishments at school and helps with their homework and projects. He attends and participates in every cub scout meeting. He dances to silly songs, plays funny games, and is the best water balloon match player you've ever seen.






I have so many wonderful memories and moments that I will never forget. I know the boys feel the same way. It makes me so happy for them to have such a loving, caring, and involved dad. I know that when they become dads themselves they will know exactly what a great dad should be, because they have the best one around.

I love my boys

The 3 most wonderful people in my world :-)

When nothing makes sense, there's always one thing that does:

LOVE

How did I get so lucky?

I love him.



That is all.

:-)

Peace out, Cub Scout

At the beginning of the school year Matthew brought home a paper with his "Thursday packet" of papers. The paper said "Join two great teams" and it had four scouts standing with the Pittsburgh Pirates mascot. At the bottom of the paper it said there was to be a meeting to learn more on Wednesday September 8th. I asked Matthew if he would be interested in joining the cub scouts. He answered with an enthusiastic "YES!" So, I set about learning all I could about the cub scouts. I searched online at be a scout and found some really great information! I also went to words to live by and learned all about the great things that scouts do. I also asked my friends on facebook if they had any experience with scouting. I got some really awesome feedback. When Matt came home that evening we talked about it and decided we would go to the meeting. It didn't take long into that meeting that we knew we were going to go ahead and sign him up! Since then it's been so much fun!



We have done so many great things as a family, and that's what I love the most, it's about family. Riley is too young still to join cub scouts but Matthew's den (and the whole pack as well) make him feel right at home and include him as much as they can!



We have learned so much and had a lot of fun doing it. Matthew is proud of being a cub scout and it shows! I'm proud of him for doing his best and I'm so happy that he loves it so much. Our first big thing since joining cub scouts was the pinewood derby. Matthew came in 3rd place! He was so proud!!



We recently went to the scout store in Pittsburgh and had an absolute blast. It was a fun day! I do love looking at everything on the online store but going to one in person is so much fun!



The cub scout motto is: Do Your Best! What a great message! This is only our first year involved with scouting and I'm sure we're all going to learn from it and enjoy it for many years to come! So, if you've thought about maybe giving scouting a try, go for it, you won't regret it! It's a fun way to do things as a family while learning important life lessons about safety, fun, character, and so much more! Like everything in life, you get out of it what you put in. I know that when Matthew and Riley are adults they will look back at our time in cub scouts and treasure it, knowing that mom and dad took as much joy in seeing them learn and have fun as they did doing all the fun stuff scouting has to offer.

12 Years!

In just a little under 2 weeks it will be the 12 year anniversary of the day Matt and I met!

I am going to be very busy these next few weeks so I thought I would go ahead and post this now.

I don't think I could have ever guessed that 12 years could fly by so fast! There were so many times that our paths crossed before we ever met and I feel truly lucky that we finally did meet. The day we met I knew that Matt was something special, and was I ever right. It's a truly amazing thing to find that one person in the world who completes you. "I dunno, she's got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps." That is a quote from one of our favorite movies, Rocky. That's how I feel about us. I feel like he makes me a better person and when there's times that I feel like I'm not enough..he fills the gaps and makes me whole again. Here we are 12 years later with two wonderful sons and I still find new things to love about him.

I love you with all my heart Matt. Thank you for supporting me in everything I do and giving me the strength to try new things. Thank you for making me laugh until I cry and thank you for letting me cry until I can smile again. Thank you for taking care of me no matter how much of a baby I am when I'm sick. Thank you for listening but more than that, thank you for hearing me in a way no one else does. Thank you for our wonderful sons and thank you for being a great dad. Finally, thank you for 12 years of YOU. I love you.